i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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