Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she pinky promised me she was 18
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
