I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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