yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
