She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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