i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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