My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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