I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
