i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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