so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
