The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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