Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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