3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
