By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sext me about skeletons
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
