So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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