She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
