it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
