Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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