Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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