Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
