Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's great music for shaving your balls
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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