Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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