I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
