Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
