How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
