Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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