Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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