If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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