apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
