My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
