and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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