i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
