I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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