If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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