Princesses don't give blow jobs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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