Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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