Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?