Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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