Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
