So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
