ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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