I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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