Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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