I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
