Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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