I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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