so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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