4 words: hood of his car
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
