If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
