Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
