i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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