ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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