Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's great music for shaving your balls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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