i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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