just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
