i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
