the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
