can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize