Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
