Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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