He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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