I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
