Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize