what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
