I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
