Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
